Sibling Rivalry
"So...if I understand this right, Drew threw Dancing Elmo and it hit Sarah?" The nurse sounded concerned because Sarah was only 2 weeks old. "And how are both the children now?"
Sibling rivalry dates back to Cain and Abel. We hear it often from parents on the 454-KIDS line. "Say sorry to your sister!" "Tell your sister you love her."
Well, sometimes kids aren't sorry. Sometimes kids don't love their sister. Sometimes they just need to throw Dancing Elmo.
Sibling rivalry is going to happen. What impressed me is that the nurse was not only concerned about Sarah, but also about Drew.
The nurse's call made me remember when my daughter brought home her newborn daughter this past November. Three-year-old Charlie, a first grandchild, had enjoyed the full attention and adoration of our whole family for his entire life....then his world changed.
Shortly after mom and baby came home, we were sitting down for dinner when Charlie demanded, "Put that baby in the other room, please!" Then, a few days later, my daughter was walking Charlie upstairs in preparation for bedtime, when he stopped. Ahead on the landing, he turned to her. She could see tears welling in his big brown eyes as he sorrowfully said, "Mommy, you broke my heart."
Charlie summed it up!
Farber and Mazilish in their book, "Siblings without Rivalry: How to Help your Children Live Together so You Can Live, Too" liken a child's feelings about that new arrival to what a wife might feel if her husband brings home a new wife. I can understand not wanting to eat in the same room!
In the last two months I see how my daughter has made special time to be with Charlie. I listen to her celebrate his uniqueness and I know in time her family will fall in stride to the new normal for them. Charlie knows how special he is and I see him making room in his own heart for his new little sister.
