Suzi at St. Louis Children's Hospital
Sibling Rivalry
"So...if I understand this right, Drew threw Dancing Elmo and it hit Sarah?" The nurse sounded concerned because Sarah was only 2 weeks old. "And how are both the children now?"
Sibling rivalry dates back to Cain and Abel. We hear it often from parents on the 454-KIDS line. "Say sorry to your sister!" "Tell your sister you love her."
Well, sometimes kids aren't sorry. Sometimes kids don't love their sister. Sometimes they just need to throw Dancing Elmo.
Sibling rivalry is going to happen. What impressed me is that the nurse was not only concerned about Sarah, but also about Drew.
The nurse's call made me remember when my daughter brought home her newborn daughter this past November. Three-year-old Charlie, a first grandchild, had enjoyed the full attention and adoration of our whole family for his entire life....then his world changed.
Shortly after mom and baby came home, we were sitting down for dinner when Charlie demanded, "Put that baby in the other room, please!" Then, a few days later, my daughter was walking Charlie upstairs in preparation for bedtime, when he stopped. Ahead on the landing, he turned to her. She could see tears welling in his big brown eyes as he sorrowfully said, "Mommy, you broke my heart."
Charlie summed it up!
Farber and Mazilish in their book, "Siblings without Rivalry: How to Help your Children Live Together so You Can Live, Too" liken a child's feelings about that new arrival to what a wife might feel if her husband brings home a new wife. I can understand not wanting to eat in the same room!
In the last two months I see how my daughter has made special time to be with Charlie. I listen to her celebrate his uniqueness and I know in time her family will fall in stride to the new normal for them. Charlie knows how special he is and I see him making room in his own heart for his new little sister.
Teaching and discipline
It is amazing how substituting one word for another can completely change one's perspective. For example, substitute the word "teacher" for the word "disciplinarian" when considering your role in your children's lives and how they learn to navigate the world. It makes a huge difference!
I'd like to share a discussion I had just the other day with some of the nurses at work. We talked about information and tips we find helpful to pass on to parents calling in about a parenting or discipline issue. The main advice the nurses give, of course, is very specific to the problem, but we also try to toss in a little helpful tidbit where we can. "I hope he had his helmet on when he did that wheelie down the driveway." "I can give you information on the clinics that will be giving flu shots this coming weekend."
It's commonplace for parents to be well-versed in all aspects of what's normal for infants and toddlers. However, as their child grows, and life gets busier, they may not feel as comfortable with some of their child's behaviors. "Is it okay to let her paint her fingernails black?" Of her three year old, she said sheepishly, "he still sleeps in bed with us. My mom thinks he's too old for that."
At 454-KIDS the nurses enjoy these calls. Comparing "normal" kids with their child, a parent gets to see that their child is often not too far off the mark.
Remember, when it comes to teaching and discipline, keep your sense of humor and know that tomorrow is another day.
By the way, if you'd like to receive one of our St. Louis Children's Hospital brochures on discipline call 454-KIDS (1-800-678-KIDS) and press option 3.
Our New Addition
As we welcome in the new year, it is very exciting for St. Louis Children's Hospital to host a blog on stlmomsworld.com! Through the blog I look forward to sharing information with you on pediatric health and wellness and growth and development in the many days to come.
Over the Thanksgiving holiday my husband and I became grandparents for the second time. We couldn't be more excited! Health information related to children is now not only of interest to me as a pediatric registered nurse, but also as a grandmother.
I hope you will find the information we share with you from St. Louis Children's Hospital 454-KIDS to be beneficial, and I look forward to your comments.
